My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
