ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
