your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
