I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im six kinds of drunk right now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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