wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
