I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
