Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
