sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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