sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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