we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
