hotel room ftw
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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