oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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