I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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