the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wear drunk well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
