just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
