and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
