My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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