sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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