If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
