The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
