took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
