gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I love you. Go after that dick
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
