what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
