we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
