I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
