My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
