Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
