I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
