operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
