I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
