It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
