Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
