I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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