Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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