She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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