Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
