My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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