i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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