btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
