I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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