Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
