If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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