wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
did i walk over a car last night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
