So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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