it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
