i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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