My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize