oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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