I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
