If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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