lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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