worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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