There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
