My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
