I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize