Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
