Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
