you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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