There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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