I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
smell my finger.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
