No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
