That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
